This time tomorrow I’ll be in my favourite city in the world, New York.
If I have harmed anyone, in any way, either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions, I ask forgiveness.
If anyone has harmed me, in any way, either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions, I forgive them.
And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive, I forgive myself for that
For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge or be unkind to myself through my own confusions, I forgive myself.Buddhist Prayer
“ Four years ago, when I was 18, I noticed that at night my front window is very reflective. So I was pretending to dive in slow motion and shoot, dual pistol style. Suddenly a really hot girl walked past and I was startled and fell over. Embarrassed, I waited for a bit and then stood up. As I stood up, I saw her slowly shooting an imaginary rifle from behind a car. We then proceeded to do this for 10 minutes until she did an extremely dramatic death. She wasn’t getting up so I went outside to meet her. Once I got to where she was, there was nothing but a piece of paper with a mobile number on it. Today, we are getting married. MLIA. ”
I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist.
It’d bring me great joy.
I’m 6’2 and weigh 180lbs
ready when you are
Honestly, right now at this point in my life I would give anything to be able to watch back over myself during every failed relationship I’ve ever had. And by ‘failed relationship’ I mean relationships, period.
Because I am totally not afraid of being confronted with my flaws. I know I’ve got ‘em. Everybody does. I know I’ve got big ones. Again, everybody does. But I’m starting to feel like I’ve got major ones that I don’t even have the slightest inkling about.
The other night I went for dinner with a few of my friends, and one of them was having relationship trouble. When she turned to me to ask what I thought about it, another friend of ours laughed and shouted, ‘Don’t ask Christie!’. We all just laughed and carried on shovelling spaghetti down our throats.
So, I let it go for like 15 minutes, but I started to notice that it had clearly bothered me as my inner voice was raging with ‘What the FUCKS’ and ‘What the hell does she mean by thats’. So, I asked her — Why shouldn’t she ask me for advice? I mean, I’ve had relationship trouble right, maybe I’m the best person to ask, right? Right?
And she said, 'No, no we've all had trouble. You ARE trouble.'
And here’s the thing, over the years I’ve made a conscious effort to surround myself with no-nonsense, shoot-from-the-hip, straight talkin’ babes — and with that comes pure, unadulterated honesty. And I dig that. Really I do. But, jeez that comment stung.
So, a few nights I’m still licking my wounds and trying to distract myself from digging deep into my memory banks and going over every inch of my relationships with excruciating detail to try and figure out how, what and why I’m trouble.
But then I realised, it doesn’t fucking matter.
None of us are experts at this thing. Not even these so-called ‘relationship gurus’ actually know what they’re talking about — because each of us is unique. We’re all individuals.
We all like different things. We all clash with different people. We all shout at the TV over different issues.
So, really it doesn’t matter why your relationship with Sam didn’t work out. Or why Tom never called you again. Or why the long-haired guy from the bar who said he was crazy about you walked past you in the street like he’d never seen you before (I mean, hey you can’t even remember his name!) Because the next guy will be different.
You’ll make different mistakes with different people. And you’ll keep making those different mistakes until you meet the right person to make them with.
Sarah Silverman, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…
People always say that it hurts at night
and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3am
is the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken.
it’s 9am on a tuesday morning
and you’re standing at the kitchen bench waiting for the toast to pop up
And the smell of dusty sunlight and earl gray tea makes you miss him so much
you don’t know what to do with your hands.